Day 24 Bear Country to DC 23.9.2010

After the Maid of the Mist, we travelled onto Bear Country, Pennsylvania. Scott stopped at a gas station for a quick break where I bought a book about the Amish. I started to read it when we got back in the van. Tracy was sitting next to me and was full to the brim with questions about the Amish. I gave Tracy the limited information I knew about the Amish from watching documentaries on Channel 4. Then, like a mother and child, we went through my little book together. Sporadically, we would look out the window in the hope that we would see some Amish people in a buggie or working in the fields.

There were no visible bears in Bear Country last night. They must be on their holidays. After setting up camp, Rachel discovered we were running low on booze. Scott and the lads said they would go to the liquor store to get some. Nicki jumped into the van with them, delighted to have the lads to herself. When they returned, Nicki rushed from the van into her tent in a temper. The lads filed out of the van, red in the face from trying to keep their giggles in. The rest of us were intrigued and asked what had happened.

While in the van, the subject of Nicki’s current boyfriend arose, which apparently she had brought up herself. She proceeded to ask the lads on tour for advice.

“We’ve been going out for 5 months and we have played around with each other but still haven’t had full blown sex! Why do you think that is?”

Now, a girl’s answer to that question would have been something along the lines of “Oh, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m sure he had such strong feelings for you and respects you a lot so he wants to wait for the right time. He probably wants to get to know you as a person first before embarking on the physical side”.

Men are a bit blunter in their answering. Scott’s reply was “Cos he’s gay, he’s a poof!” The other lads started to laugh adding their two cents worth to the discussion.

“Maybe he’s got the clap and has to wait 6 weeks for it to clear up before he dips the nib in ya Nicki!”

Now, in my opinion, she was asking for a gruelling response. She brought up the conversation herself and should have prepared herself for the slagging that would ensue. Instead of taking it on the chin, she stormed off to her tent in tears. Jeong and Jai went to check if she was alright. I don’t think they fully understood what had actually happened because they came back to say Nicki said she was homesick. She was only away from home for a week! The lads were dumbfounded and it was obvious by their expressions that they honestly didn’t mean to upset her. They thought she could take the banter. In true male style, the lads sent all us girls to stop her crying. I was confused

“Why do we have to check on her when you guys were the ones who made her cry?”

The response from Roy was quick, “Because what are we going to say to her? We’ll only make it worse. We’ll get to the tent and not know what to say and look like weirdos! When she’s stopped crying, tell us and we’ll come over”.

After convincing Nicki that men are thick and that the lads didn’t mean to upset her, they are just stupid, we gave the signal to come over. Roy came to the entrance of Nicki’s tent and encouraged her to join the party by enticing her out with a bottle of wine. She came out, face tearstained and the lads all gave her a bear hug and a thump on the back. Drama over, we all got pissed!

This morning, we drove to Washington DC. It is so warm here. I don’t think I will need to sleep in the sleeping bag tonight. And there are bloody mosquitos everywhere! Flippin’ hell! Can’t Barack do something about the pests in DC? He lives on Pennsylvania Avenue! We went to see the White House this evening, all lit up in the dark. My fifth class primary school teacher told me that the White House was designed to look like Aras an Uachtarain, the Irish president’s house in the Phoenix Park in Dublin. That was my interesting fact for the day for Tracy.

I reckon the night time is the best time to see the Washington monument and the war memorials. It’s more emotive than seeing the sights in the day time. The lavishly decorated buildings in Washington DC echo the size, strength, prominence and self-confidence of the United States of America whilst the war memorials stand for the ordinary American whose individual voice isn’t heard but it is these everyday people who have built and defended their great nation. I wrote down a great quote that was on one of the memorials which explains more eloquently what I mean.

“The world will take little note nor long remember what we say here but it can never forget what they did here”.

After exploring the memorials, we went to see good old Abe Lincoln. That is such an awesome statue. I wish there was such a thing as magical fairies and one of them had been on our trip and cast a spell to make Mr Lincoln stand up. Wouldn’t that be great? You’d need a fairly good panoramic lense to get a photo of the two of you together to send to your Mammy.

Day 23 Maid of the Mist 22.9.2010

What an awesome day! We “explored the roar” of Niagara Falls on the “Maid of the mist”. Before we got on the boat, we were given blue plastic ponchos. Looking like extras from the Daft Punk video to “Around the world”, we waited excitedly to get on the vessel.

Niagara Falls is in a Horseshoe shape. The Maid of the mist sailed towards the centre of the falls. The water thundered down so ferociously that we all got absolutely drenched. The ponchos were no help! As water splashed in our eyes, Kobus and I laughed heartily and wobbled from side to side as the boat cruised along under the spray from the falls. Photos we took of each other look like we were in a fish bowl because the lens was covered with droplets.

Other “Maid of the mist” vessels were also discovering the Falls up close. The boats were full of screaming blue smurfs. It was the most touristic sight I had ever seen! I love being a tourist. My feeling is that I am contributing to the economy of the country I am in while not having to do a lot of organising to get from point A to point B. These eejits who ramble on about travelling really get on my tits.

“Yaw, like, you really have to get off the beaten track and get to know the locals to really understand a place. Otherwise you haven’t really travelled!”

What nonsense! Firstly, the reason there is a track that is not beaten is because there is probably feck all on it of any interest, and if there is, maybe the locals want to keep it for themselves which they are entitled to. Secondly, locals have their own day to day business to be getting on with, children to get to school, chores to do; they hardly want to have a philosophical conversation with some pale, spotty gap year student for half an hour. I’m sure if the BBC sent someone with a chequebook and a camera to the town the locals would be very accommodating. Thirdly, what’s wrong with being a normal tourist and doing normal, fun things? Why does every experience in life have to be mind-blowing? Surely that would be too exhausting?

Day 22 Niagara Falls 21.9.2010

Day 22 Niagara Falls 21.9.2010

Oh, my fuckin’ head!!!!! I was as sick as a dog this morning after last night’s drinking. We spent hours in the van today as we headed towards Niagara Falls. I wasn’t much fun on the bus. I made sure I bagged a window seat for the journey. I put my pillow against the window and rested my big fat hungover head against it and went for a nap. When Scott stopped the van for a break and a leg stretch, I woke myself with a loud snort and was mortified when I realised I had drooled all over my pillow. Hopefully no one noticed.

I spent the rest of the trip awake, taking notes of the things I saw as I looked out the window. I saw approximately seven trillion pumpkins along the road, in peoples’ gardens, hanging from lamp-posts, they were everywhere. The Yanks love Halloween! Scott told me it is considered to be the biggest holiday of the year in the States. I’m not sure if he was teasing me or not. The Halloween mania didn’t stop at pumpkins. Witches, ghosts and goblins adorned every shop window and every door of every house. It was freaky! I hate Halloween! Why would anyone want to be scared intentionally? That’s stupid! Maybe I am a bit of a wimp? I never liked ghost stories as a child and I detest horror films. Also, I always thought Halloween was a Celtic festival that recognised the end of the summer. I’m sure I learnt that in school. Now, instead of offering thanks to the pagan gods or whatever the Celts did, we stick our heads in a baby bath full of bobbing apples and try and fish a penny out of a plate of flour with our hands tied behind our backs! Halloween me arse! It’s another commercialised day. I bet Walt Disney invented Halloween and made a mint from it.

We also saw a car full of Mormons on the highway. Their badges were visible across three lanes of traffic. Rachel tried to get them to pull over by gesturing out the passenger window. We were all waving and smiling at them, thinking it would be nice for them to get some positive attention. After all, most people ignore them on the street when the Mormons try to talk to them. Our Mormon friends ignored us. That must be a first, being ignored by Mormons?

I noticed one other odd thing today that made me giggle. I took a photo of it because I couldn’t write fast enough. A van passed with a zillion stickers stuck to the back window. The stickers read “Alien hunter”; “Conspiratologist”; “2012 prepare for contact”; “Bigfoot lives”. Not too weird I hear you say. The guy is into science fiction maybe? What made me giggle was that tucked among the X-file type stickers were others that read “easy tai chi”; “thoughts become things”; “a reiki healer drives this vehicle”.

We reached the town of Niagara in the late afternoon. Our campsite was outside the town and had beautiful views of Lake Ontario. Once parked, everyone fell excitedly out of Sheila and raced to the lake’s edge.

“Is that Canada over there?”,asked Tracy.

Squinting and staring like an old lady, I could just about make out the Toronto skyline. Cameras were thrown by the girls to the lads, the girls yelling “Take a pic of us with Canada in the background! Make sure you get Canada in!”

After the photo shoot, we pitched out tents. The weather was clement so it was enjoyable putting the tent up with Kobus. We laughed and giggled at each other as we battled with the tent poles. I’d pick one up and another would fall down. You wouldn’t see it in a silent Charlie Chaplin movie!

For dinner, the lads decided to do a barbeque. The men prepared the meat and congregated around the fire pit like cavemen. They spoke for 15 minutes about how best to arrange the coal for the barbeque. Then, they decided what meat should be cooked first, what meat should be placed where on the grille to ensure even cooking, it was hilarious to watch. Some of us girls sat at a nearby picnic table preparing the salad and bread. Verity and I were teaching Jai, Jeong and Momo the names of the different food on the table in English. Likewise, they taught us the words of the items in their mother tongues. I can honestly say that I can’t remember the Japanese or Korean words for salt, butter, peppers, lettuce and bread but it was funny listening to everyone try and pronounce words in a language that was totally foreign to them.

During our linguistic lesson, I noticed that Nicki and Tracy were sitting on the grass by themselves chatting. I glanced over and saw Tracy gesturing to me with her eyes to come over. I went over and asked what they were talking about.

“Threesomes! Nicki’s talking about threesomes!” yelled Tracy.

Oh my! I thought.

“How did that come up in conversation?” I asked.

“Well”, chirped Nicki, “Tracy was just telling me about her wonderful new boyfriend and I asked her if she had ever considered a threesome?” Nicki gazed at me with a huge moronic grin on her face, waiting for me to reply.

“Well, ummm, I don’t know! Emmm! Well, I would imagine that one’s curiosity about such a, em, task, might make one think they would like have a threesome but when push came to shove, if the moment arrived for me, I don’t think I could do it!”

Oh God! How embarrassing!

“Well, I can tell you Loren that you would be fine. My first time, I had no problem being with another woman and my boyfriend. I really had no problem going down there!”

Tracy spluttered Sprite all over herself. I was gobsmacked. I really didn’t know what to say. Luckily, Scott called us over for food so the conversation was cut short.

After dinner, we cleared up and hopped into Sheila to go see Niagara Falls at night. The Falls weren’t as tall as I had imagined but they were still very impressive. Watching and listening to the water thunder from the falls was amazing. On the US side, we watched the water and took some photographs at Prospect Point Park. It was decided that we would go across the bridge into Canada to view the Falls from Toronto. I was really disappointed to leave Kobus behind in the US. He didn’t have a Canadian visa so he couldn’t come. In jest, I pretended we were being torn apart against our will.

“Goodbye my love! I will think of you every day. One day, you will come to Canada to be with me. We shall make snow angels then retire to our log cabin to listen to Joni Mitchell and eat chowder!”

Kobus looked at Scott who had decided he had seen the Falls from Canada plenty of times and was going to stay behind.

“Scott, let’s go for a pint! Loren, you’re a loony my girl!”

I grinned at his dry wit and trundled across the bridge with everyone else. After passing passport control, where I had been asked by the officer about every stamp in my passport, we ventured along the street, past the Hard Rock Café, a bunch of casinos and a zillion souvenir shops. I decided to get Kobus a souvenir magnet from my hour long trip to Canada. I wanted him to know I had been thinking of him.

Americans told me that the best view of the Falls is from the US whereas Canadians told me it was from their side. Well, in my opinion, they are both wrong. The best view is from the middle of the bridge connecting the US to Canada over the river. I took a nice photo of the Falls with the lights of the CN Tower and the casinos on the right and the contrasting dim lit Prospect Park on the left.

I was nervous going back to the States because I had been interrogated by the Canadian border official. I thought they would be far stricter at the US border. I had nothing to hide but officials make me nervous. After paying 50 cents to get back into the States, yes, you have to pay to walk back into the country, I was greeted by a smiling man who took my passport and welcomed me to America.

“Oh you’re Irish! That’s great!”

“It is!” I said and smiled back at him.

What a lovely man!

Kobus was waiting with Scott. I thought he would have at least made a welcome back sign for me and greeted me with a rose in his teeth but no, I got nothing of the sort. Men!

Day 21 Boston to the Berkshire mountains 20.9.2010

I don’t know what to make of Nicki. I think she might be a giant pain in the backside! The nanosecond I met her I thought “here is the weak link in the group! Here is the itch that can’t be scratched!” She seemed bright and bubbly and up for a good time at first but I get the feeling that she has low self-esteem and tries too hard. I know that sounds harsh but I think I have reason to think this way. Last night, we all stayed at the Hostel International in Boston. Trek America had booked three rooms, one male dorm, one female dorm and one mixed dorm. Because Kobus and I are married, we went into the mixed dorm. Rachel, Tracy and Nicki also stayed in the mixed dorm with us. Jokes were banded about regarding Kobus’ new pimp status as the only male in the room with his bitches. I’m an easy going woman so I found these jokes quite funny, actually I had instigated them. That night, Nicki paraded around the room in her t-shirt and a thong! Kobus nearly spontaneously combusted, “Ja, eh, I’m going to go find the lads”. My mouth was wide open, jaw trailing along the carpet as I turned to avert my eyes. Rachel was also taken aback,

“Jeez Nicki! Isn’t it a bit drafty down there?”

I really like Rachel. She is a 26 year old, porcelain skinned, strawberry blonde haired beauty. Her beauty is somewhat disguised by her boyish and crass behaviour but I liked her the second I met her. I admire her “get on with it / fuck off out of my face you annoying cow” attitude that sprinkles her fun loving, easy going persona.

Tracy and I have also hit it off straight away despite our eight year age gap. I know 8 years isn’t a long time but there is a profound difference between an average 21 year old and an average 29 year old. When I was 21, I was only interested in having fun with my friends and I believed the sun rotated around my own arse. Tracy works in a dispensary in a hospital. Before that she was a holiday rep in Ibiza. She’s really independent and confident for such a young girl. She’s cool. I think she likes me too. Yesterday while we walked the Freedom Trail, she told me that she was going to adopt me as an older sister for the week and ask me questions. She reckons I am the most intelligent person in the group because I was reading the guide book about Boston as we were wandering around. In fairness, she’s probably right about that.

This morning, we all went on the Harvard or “Hahvahd” tour. Bostonian’s can’t pronounce the letter “r”. I assume this is because they are mainly of Irish descent. I was excited about the “Hahvahd” tour. I am a bit of a nerd! My mother said that when I was about six I’d bounce around every time we passed the University in Cork, proclaiming that one day I would go to school there.  So I nearly wet my knickers at the thought of visiting Harvard. Two students called Colin and Martha brought us on the tour. Both donned maroon university t-shirts and straw bashers. Colin stood on a crate at the Porceillian Gate outside the University and told us to do the “primal scream”. It’s not the real Harvard “primal scream” where the students streak through the University before final exams while onlookers shriek at the exposed “franks and beans” that are shrivelling in the midnight air. We kept our clothes on. No wonder taxpayers hate students!

The tour was good fun. It’s obviously scripted. Colin and Martha bounced along the footpath while dramatically and humorously recalling the history of Harvard. I wonder do they ever get sick of telling the same jokes?

When we got to the statue of who I thought was John Harvard, the first benefactor of the university, I ran up to it, instructing Kobus to take a photo of me rubbing his foot. I had seen other tourists do it so I thought I might as well do it too. Colin was soon to make an example of me. Apparently many of the students piss on the shoe of the statue, which may not even be John Harvard since according to Colin the statue’s sculptor didn’t know what he actually looked like. After swiftly removing my hand from the pissy shoe, I scrambled around in my bag looking for hand sanitizer while Rachel and Kobus broke down laughing.

After the Harvard tour, we had a little wander around Boston, stopping at the Cheers bar for a photo and a quick beverage. The people are not very friendly here! I thought when we went into a coffee shop to get a tea and the famous Chocolate chip cookies we would be greeted with at least “hello” and a smile. All we keep getting from people are grunts and funny stares! I’m not impressed! And it’s such a shame because it’s such a beautiful place. There are lovely green areas, lots of museums and old buildings. And there are loads of bookshops! Aesthetically it’s heavenly. Socially, it’s moronic! Kobus and I won’t be living here after our trip I can tell you!

At about 3pm, we all clamboured into Sheila and headed towards the Berkshire mountains in Western Massachusetts for our first night of camping. We pitched our tents in the forest. Our little village of tents was surrounded by tall trees tucked within the mountain ranges. The stars glistened overhead as we made dinner and drank cheap booze to keep warm. It was bloody freezing! I think I had every scrap of clothing on me that I had brought for the trip. Wearing two pairs of woolie gloves, I clutched my plastic cup of warm wine. I reckoned I should just get a little tipsy before bedtime to help me sleep. What a fine idea Loren! After a cup and a half of wine, I was drunk! So was everyone else! When Rachel suggested we go look for bears, Scott’s eyes widened in horror. He tried to persuade us to go to bed but we all laughed at him. Except Jai, she didn’t really understand what was happening so Verity decided to sign language what Rachel had been trying to say. Being a drama student, her impression of a bear growling frightened Jai so much, she shrieked at Jeong and uttered something in Korean before fleeing to her tent. Jeong giggled as she dashed after her while attempting to explain to Jai that she wasn’t in danger.

The rest of us ventured to bed after midnight. Kobus and I had lined our suit cases on the side of the tent that we thought the wind was hitting in order to provide insulation while we slept. I crawled into my sleeping bag. The sleeping bags we had bought were the cheapest in the store so they were no good at keeping out the cold. Another lesson learnt! You get what you pay for! I pulled the hood of my sleeping bag over my head and zipped the bag right up so only my eyes were visible. Perished by the cold, I lay on the ground listening to Kobus snore and fart through the night. I thought morning would never come. As I lay in silence, my imagination started to run wild. What if I needed to wee in the night and a bear came and ate me? I would just have to hold on until morning!

Day 20 Freedom Trail begins - Boston 19.9.2010

Our East coast tour began today. Our first excursion is a camping trip called "The Freedom Trail" tour with a company called Trek America.

The tour began in New Jersey, home of the Guido! I’ve never heard that word before but it’s been banded about since the launch of “Jerseylicious”, “Jersey Shore” and the like. We met our tour leader, Scott Liebermann, a 23 year old, 5 foot five dude with Shirley Temple curls from Baltimore. Scott seems to be having a love affair with life. He studied PR and communications in university, was offered a job in a bank with a starting salary of $35,000 but turned it down to bring the under 30's from around the world on trips around America. Good move I thought. He has his whole life to be grown up and responsible. Now is the time for fun.

At 7 am, we congregated in a conference room in the Hotel Inn Harmon Meadow, New Jersey. The room was filled with backpackers from various places around the globe. I was a little overwhelmed. Lots of the people were recalling tales of their previous foreign adventures and I didn’t have anything to say.

The first couple of minutes, the tales were interesting. But I have to be honest, after a while, I started to get bored! I started a conversation with a girl called Janice from New Zealand. I made the mistake of telling Janice that New Zealand was one of the places on our itinerary. Oh Jesus! The next 20 minutes saw Janice going through the main tourist attractions from the North Island to the South Island in minute detail. I nodded, ummed and ahhed and ooohed, eyes glazed over, hoping the fire alarm would go off so I could escape the geography lesson. Then Scott walked in and I was saved.

"Hey guys! It's early; I'm tired so please forgive me if I'm not making sense. Welcome to Trek America! Could everyone on the Freedom Trail tour come to my side of the room? The rest of you guys are on the 45 day cross country tour with another guide so can you guys go to the other side of the room."

Janice went to the other side of the room! Phew! She started chewing the ear off a girl called Ann I had met at breakfast. I guess over 45 days crossing North America would give her ample time to explain in detail the many countries she had visited!

There were twelve people on the trip. Kobus, me, Verity, a drama student from Liverpool, Rachel from Australia, she was really friendly. She sat next to me while we waited for Scott to organise himself. She asked me how long I was in the States for. When I started to tell her about our trip, I began feeling a little embarrassed, worrying I was going to sound like a spoilt brat but she was really interested and enthusiastic about it. There was Tracy, a 21 year old beauty from Manchester, Nicki, a law student from Birmingham, Jeong, an eccentric Korean girl who wore two different colour dock martin boots, one green, one yellow, Momo, a petit doll-faced Japanese sweet-heart, Jai, she is also Korean. Her English wasn’t very good but I’m sure we will figure out a way of talking to her for the week. We can use sign language. Then, there was Sean, Roy and Eamonn, collectively known as "the lads".

The obligatory "getting to know each other" ritual followed (i.e. "Hi, My name is Loren and I decided to travel because I am a lazy bitch and hate working! And my husband spoils me rotten so when I forcefully suggested we leave our full time, well benefitted jobs and travel for five months, he said yes!” I didn't say that!)

After the formalities, we met Sheila, the A-Team style Ford van with matching trailer that was going to be our mode of transportation for the next seven days. Sheila's antenna was adorned by a rubber cactus called Carl who had pink sunglasses and a red neckerchief.

My leprechaun, Séamus, our cuddly, 15 cm travelling companion had found a friend! I bought Séamus for Kobus when I first started going out with him. I thought a leprechaun with a suction cup sewed to his head would look nice in his car. Kobus hated him from day one! I think it's because he's ginger! Anyway, I decided it would be humorous to bring Séamus on the trip and take photos of him in famous places and post them on Facebook. I was right! He's a hit on Facebook with my friends! Charming little fucker! Anyway, I digress!

We piled into the van and headed towards Boston. Beantown! Home of the Chocolate Chip Cookie! Site of the Freedom Trail! Origin of American Independence! After checking into our hostel, we sauntered off in the direction of Boston Common, passing an array of designer shops; odd little stores selling art work and rare old books. We passed one store with a sign saying "Chillin' with my gnomies" which made me giggle. We reached Boston Common and what a feast for the senses! Street performers glittered the park, young men playing baseball, converse trainers tied together by their laces and thrown over the branch of a tree, lovers gazing into each other’s eyes while lying tangled in the grass, families walking with their babies in prams, others rowing boats on the lake, religious fanatics preaching that if you did not come from a lineage of Negro, Puerto Rican, Chilean or Aboriginal blood lines you were going to burn in hell! This picture of diversity was framed by the changing leaves of the trees. It was awesome! 

 

Day 16 - 19 Thoughts in transit 15.9 - 18.9.2010

We left Johannesburg on Friday. We bade another tearful goodbye to Sonja and David. It’s always hard to say goodbye to family. We have a farewell system now, the rules of which are adhered to religiously every time we part. We get dropped at the airport door, everyone gets out of the car, a quick cuddle and a goodbye and straight to check in. There is no point in dragging it out, it makes it worse.

Today we fly to New York from Heathrow. I am very excited. I’ve never been to America. The USA – I often wonder if Robert Ripley ever had the idea of taking a picture of the USA from space and housing the photograph in his museum. Imagine an aerial photo of the States! I can see it now – lots of baseball parks, high-rise buildings, corn fields, Muscle Beach, the Grand old Opry and Pamela Anderson jugs, all visible from space.

Kobus and I are sitting in the airport. We are sitting opposite a family, Mum, Dad and three children. Children are annoying in any language. One of the kids is complaining in Spanish that she is too hot to her Mum. She’s repeated it about fifty fuckin’ times! Shut up child! Take off your jumper if you’re too hot! Also, why is her Mum ignoring her? By not responding to her stupid complaint, the rest of us have to endure her whining. I might throw my orange juice bottle at her child if she doesn’t stop complaining.

Oh good, we are boarding soon. I hope that family aren’t sitting near us!

Some time later:

I jinxed us! The complainer and her family are sitting right behind us on the plane and guess what, SHE’S FUCKIN’ HOT! I used to pride myself on being a patient person. Actually, maybe I’m not patient just internally violent. We are surrounded by children and babies. Crying, moaning, asking questions about seatbelt fastening, fidgeting and playing with the tray table! Although, there is a really cute little boy sitting in front of us. He just asked his Mum if he could see her credit card. Now he’s teaching his brother how to understand the safety instructions.

“It’s starting Michael. The plane’s starting. Put your seatbelt on! Put it on now!”

Ha! No, the plane is not starting. It’s being refuelled.

Note to self – When I have kids, their first holiday will be when they are 16! Food is coming soon. Will write later.

Later:

I was having a think about children while munching on my acrid excuse for a dinner. I like children. Really, I do! They are small and cute and have endless creativity and buckets of potential. Children have no fear which I admire. But I don’t think I want a child yet. At the ripe old age of 29 years and 5 months (I hope you noted the sarcasm!) many of my peers believe my womb is craving to be accommodated with the spawn of Kobus. They can fuck off! You should hear some of the shite I have to listen to.

“Oh, but Loren, the risks and complications of being an older mother! You would be silly not to consider them!”

“Do you really want to be old when your children are teenagers?”

I must point out that other people are not so nosey or opinionated. I am merely taking about the select few nincompoops who seem to be overly concerned with the reproductive systems of the newly married women of Western Europe. When the comments first started, I smiled nicely and sang romantically that one day the world would hear the dull thud of baby Venter feet. After a while, my responses became curt, sharp and short. Then, I started to lose my temper. When I started to lose my cool I thought it wise to get some medical information from my 70 year old male GP. What a legend!

“Loren, 35 is a fine age to have your first child. You could have a second when you are 37 if you wish. I assume you don’t want to have a football team my dear girl? The days of large Catholic families are long gone. It’s not a good idea to have a child if you are not ready. Don’t worry my girl! You may ignore the opinions of the medically uneducated.”

So, I took the great Doc’s advice. And here we are! On the way to the States!

Day 15 Clarens - The Jewel of the Free State 15.9.2010

We arrived in Clarens today. It’s a little town in the Free State Province close to the Golden Gate National Park and the Kingdom of Lesotho. On the way we drove through Lesotho and saw a few Basotho people walking on the road. They wore distinctive straw conical-shaped hats on their heads to protect them from the sun. The shape of the hat resembles the mountains is the Kingdom of Lesotho. They are really cool.

Clarens is an idyllic place. It’s a haven for writers, artists, poets, any type of creative creature. The main square is surrounded by boutique stores which sell beautiful furniture, paintings, candles and knick-knacks and books. I was in my element! I have a bit of a book buying problem. A lot of women can’t resist walking into a shoe shop and trying on a pair of shoes they don’t need and subsequently purchasing them. Other women are chocoholics. I can’t walk past a book shop without gasping in excitement and running towards the entrance. Second hand bookstores are my favourite. Finding an old gem that smells like an ancient dusty library book is such a pleasure. I like to pretend that I have found a treasure that is no longer published and one will be a collector’s item. Nerdy eh! There is a really cute bookshop called Bibliophile in Clarens. Much to Kobus disappointment, I found it and spent quite some time rummaging around. I finally settled on a book of fairytales based in Liechtenstein and a novel about a teenage mother.

We stayed in a little bed and breakfast called Rosewood Corner which was run by an elderly retired couple. Their garden was beautifully coloured with every type of fuchsia and rose imaginable. A brood of fat hens called the little garden home, along with a little terrier called Lily. Clarens was the perfect place to relax before we head back to Johannesburg, back to the crazy city.

In a few days we will be heading to America, land of all apples that are big, land of free speech, home of Disney, Sex and the City and the corndog. I can’t wait! It’s going to be brilliant!